and Read online

  on the bottom of the stairs

  not being heard and seen

  for who I am,

  a beacon of light,

  reflecting rays of love and hope

  that scare many and attract few.

  And that’s okay,

  because this light is the spark

  that creates the potential

  of my deeper dreams coming true.

  Turning 50,

  my life has finally begun.

  Playing It Safe

  I thought I was playing it safe

  by…

  blending in instead of standing out,

  going with what was known and within reach

  instead of risking it all on a belief of something better,

  being self-deprecating instead of stating the obvious,

  shooting for acceptance instead of sharing my greatness,

  concealing my flaws instead of asking for help,

  being practical instead of idealistic,

  feeling alone in a crowd instead of being intimate with one,

  being right instead of forgiving,

  blaming others instead of fixing it,

  appearing perfect instead of vulnerable,

  hiding behind an illusion instead of living in clarity,

  denying instead of giving,

  giving without fully receiving,

  staying instead of leaving,

  leaving instead of staying,

  buying it for immediate gratification instead of saving to fund my dreams,

  seeking other’s approval instead of my own,

  waiting for permission instead of going for it,

  allowing other’s opinions to dictate what I do instead of trusting my inner voice,

  pleasing others instead of pleasing myself, when it mattered most,

  keeping quiet to avoid conflict instead of speaking my Truth.

  And…

  after doing all this

  it didn’t keep me safe anyway

  because people still judged,

  and things didn’t go as planned.

  There is no safe place to run to in this world,

  which is scary

  and liberating,

  because it finally allows me the freedom

  to just be myself,

  which, as it turns out,

  is the safest place to be.

  Rooting for Her

  A few years ago,

  I discovered the person

  who occupies the life

  I’m supposed to be living.

  She has been out of my mind completely

  until this week,

  when I came across a picture of her online

  and something stirred within.

  She continues to do

  what I’ve only dreamt about.

  She has my career and accomplishments.

  She’s hanging out with my friends and colleagues.

  She lives in the community I am drawn to.

  She even looks similar to me,

  a prettier version.

  I acknowledge the opportunity

  to feel remorse

  because she has what I want,

  at least from the outside looking in,

  because who knows, really.

  But instead, my mind is empty and spacious,

  and an irrepressible giggle surfaces

  that works itself into a full-on belly laugh,

  a natural eruption

  springing from the surge

  of emotions ignited within.

  Joy.

  She did it.

  Hope.

  It’s possible.

  Trust.

  The Universe always supports and provides.

  Faith.

  My version of living my truth

  will continue

  in its own way,

  in its own time.

  The way I see it,

  all she did

  was to get into her flow

  before me,

  and unknowingly

  touched and inspired a stranger

  to keep doing the same.

  How to Be

  Be passionate, but not emotional.

  Be visionary, but not unrealistic.

  Be direct, but not confrontational.

  Be attractive, but not too pretty.

  Be accountable, but not demanding.

  Be inspiring, but not impractical.

  Be inclusive, but not accepting of that one.

  Be original, but not stand out.

  Be assertive, but not intimidating.

  Be confident, but not pushy.

  Be great, but not threatening.

  And now…

  no but’s,

  just be,

  for all.

  Self-Expression

  Words come,

  with no censor,

  the inner critic hushed.

  I like to write

  when I’m not there.

  Juices flowing,

  creativity unleashed,

  no rules to follow,

  the perfect word found.

  More than words

  come into existence,

  the exquisiteness of truth

  coming off the pages.

  Fragments of verse

  becoming whole stories,

  with different details,

  yet similar plots,

  relatable to others.

  Grace in the ordinary.

  Surrender finally,

  to share my authentic voice

  like my life depends on it,

  which I’m discovering,

  it does.

  Writing didn’t cure my cancer,

  but it saved my life

  with the silencing

  of my contagious mind.

  Self expression heals.

  Simply begin

  creating something

  from the nothing.

  Not Business as Usual

  The kindest thing

  isn’t to give them

  what they think

  they want,

  but to give them

  what they really need.

  I’m not going

  to keep hiding

  in the shadows,

  cast from the shame

  of remaining silent,

  now knowing,

  that with every word

  I choose to speak,

  I am the silence,

  not the silenced.

  Part 6

  Realizing and…

  the love affair of the heart and mind

  Awake

  I live in a world

  in-between.

  Awake today

  for a tomorrow

  I’ll never see.

  You don’t get what you ask for.

  You get what you act for.

  The personal sacrifices of now

  take me away

  from the ones

  I love the most

  to do the work

  for the nameless, faceless future.

  Aren’t we all just a bit ahead of our time?

  Crumbling

  I have this overwhelming urge to run,

  not from,

  but to.

  Raw and wild emotions,

  anticipation and excitement

  of coming home

  after a long time away

  to the people I love

  that I can barely contain.

  But to who
m?

  And where?

  I keep straining my neck

  around this invisible corner to see,

  but my eyes are blind,

  since the reveal of True Nature

  can only be realized through the heart.

  I want to cry,

  long and hard,

  for the innocence lost and now found again,

  but I hold myself back

  because if I start

  I feel like I will never stop.

  Be bolder.

  Look at things from a different perspective,

  to go to another plane of existence,

  two reach Love Land,

  and see Omega,

  a place with no beginning or end.

  A place beyond belief.

  How about Now?

  Hey you,

  the one with his head lost in the clouds,

  hiding behind his purpose.

  It’s me.

  Over here.

  You probably don’t recognize me

  all covered in mud,

  trying to figure everything out

  and thinking I know what’s best.

  It’s time to stop resisting the unknown

  and surrender to what is.

  No more wishing for something different.

  No more hating and breaking up with parts of yourself.

  No more wanting to be somewhere else.

  Controlling the what, when, where, and how

  to feel safe isn’t the way.

  Who we really are

  only needs now

  to access the universal why,

  love, peace, and happiness.

  It’s right here.

  So?

  and

  We are all created from the One.

  The One manifests into All.

  Since we’re All connected to the One,

  all that exists is Divine,

  which is and.

  Everything.

  It’s easy to see that with the good stuff,

  but even things we don’t like are and.

  Yes, even that.

  The not-nice things we experience

  come when we are perceiving Either/Or,

  but even Either/Or is and,

  because it’s all IT.

  and is a bridge

  that connects

  to create endless possibilities.

  Me and You,

  alone and tangled in All,

  We are and.

  Loving All of Me

  You love me best when I’m a 6,

  my true self,

  soft, smooth, and rounded,

  balanced in the middle

  between 1 and 10,

  but there are many figures of me

  that take various geometric shapes

  that are also who I am,

  in the here and now.

  Like when I’m an upside down, over the top 9,

  and a 7,

  sharp, pointed, and edgy.

  I know I muddy things up

  when I act like I’m #1,

  and forget 5,

  with all its complexities,

  going from straight and narrow

  to curvy and bold,

  without warning.

  Yet, even with all these factors,

  I’m not an equation to be figured out,

  a word problem to be solved,

  data to be manipulated,

  fractions to be made whole.

  To make us 2,

  to form a unit of 3,

  I need you to love the sum of me,

  with each as 4,

  equal halves of 8,

  infinity,

  standing upright,

  spirit in form,

  to create a love worthy of multiplying.

  A Love Worth Waiting For

  Truth is love.

  Love is truth.

  To find truth,

  be love

  with all

  in every.

  That is and.

  Love isn’t linear.

  Neither is time.

  Love transcends time.

  Time transcends love.

  Time travel is possible,

  through the currents of love.

  Love of self.

  Love of others.

  Love of this world.

  A love worth waiting for

  that’s here now.

  Shall We Dance?

  On the dance floor of life

  I sense you in the crowd,

  yet out of reach.

  I know I can’t just waltz in

  and change the tempo

  from quick and hurried

  to slow and soft

  because I’m not the DJ

  in control of the play list

  that’s already been set.

  And now,

  even with years of practice

  of my dance moves,

  I find myself a wallflower

  unsteady with my footing

  unlearning all my familiar sequences,

  unsure of the coming choreography.

  I guess we’d figure that out together,

  moving freestyle,

  improvising

  to where the music takes us.

  I’m finally ready to dance.

  Shall we?

  Passengers

  You,

  can navigate the skies

  by reading the stars.

  I,

  can get you through rush hour traffic

  like it’s no one’s business.

  Regardless on how we get there,

  we’re both on the same journey

  to and,

  riding shotgun.

  Epilogue

  She finally remembered

  who she truly is

  and did from there.

  Knowing who you really are,

  no one

  no thing

  can hurt you.

  Knowing that

  you’re free.

  Acknowledgements

  To Mitch Rosacker, a veteran of self-discovery, thank you for taking the journey to and with me.

  To my message strategist and writing/publishing consultant, Kathy Sparrow, your knowledge, experience, and intuitiveness took a file on my personal computer with an audience of one and made it take flight into a published book into the hands of many.

  To Deb Sandella, the shape of who you are and how you contribute in the form of RIM continues to be a game changer in my life, and for the RIM community, for making me feel like I belong.

  To Dax and Neal Strohmeyer, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to bring my true self to work every day by accepting me for who I really am and how I show up so I can serve and contribute to something greater than myself.

  To Dr. Ken Adler and Lauren Myler, for your care and support through this continuous cancer journey.

  To Jean Marie Rosone, who met me at the lowest point in my life and loved me anyway. Thank you for introducing me to a whole new way of being.

  To Michelle Zanoni, whose energy work and friendship heals me inside and out.

  To Rosemarie Morisco, for our lunches at Greek City and what came from them.

  To Michelle Begina, a fellow dreamer who inspires me to make my imagination come to life.

  To Aimee Basa, who always dresses my best self.

  To the memory of Gary Zambardino, who encouraged me to bring my passion, energy and enthusiasm to work every day.

  To Lisa Hall and Joanne Nardell
a, my soul sisters, even though the demands of life keep us apart longer than we’d like, you are always in my heart, laughing all the way.

  To Cindy Whitmer, Cindy Tomcak, Tresa Leftenant, and Kim French, thank you for being my cheerleaders in life, encouraging me every step of the way.

  To Patti Noto, Linda Suplicki, Maria Sieber, Cathie Ressland, John Bator, Cheryl Lee, and Jennifer Pellegrino, it really does take a village. Thanks for being my tribe.

  To the unkind and not lovely experiences, people, and events I’ve encountered in my life, thank you for becoming my greatest teachers in realizing my truth and loving myself.

  To Julia, Aidan, Sarah, Michael, Steven, Matthew, Daniel, and Gregory and my extended family, my sweetest memories are with you.

  To my sister, Lisa Mayer, and my brother, Martin Kaplan, who knew me when and still want to hang out with me! Lisa, with your big, open heart, and Martin, with your calm and steady way, you’ve made an impact on me from the beginning. Thank you for your love and friendship.

  To my parents, Lois and Stan Kaplan, you are a living example of putting family first. Through your actions, you show what it means to be caring, humble, and supportive. I love you and promise to pay it forward.

  Finally, to my daughter Mia Kaplan, the one I wished for, for many years, you are my proof that dreams really do come true. My travel companion on this crazy joyride of life, your presence brings me such completeness.

  Photography by Michelle Arpin Begina

  About the Author

  Michelle Kaplan has worked in corporate America for thirty years as a human resources professional with a focus on Organizational Effectiveness and Leadership Development. Her vision is to transform teams and corporate cultures by allowing individuals to collectively bring their true selves to work every day in the form of their unique talents and strengths. Whether strategizing and implementing organizational initiatives, coaching or training, Michelle is passionate about motivating and empowering people into right action. Her mission is to help those she works with reconnect with their personal power to create the outward changes they seek from within.

  Since her breast cancer diagnosis in 2004, Michelle has been “walking the talk” by consciously aligning who she is with what she does. With her alarm set for 4:10 a.m. most days, Michelle practices her unorthodox method of meditation, disguised in her early morning workouts, and poetry writing, with the intention of self-discovery, for a least an hour a day.